Lord, grant me the strength that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
At polyunsaturates i’ll never mutter
for the road to hell is paved with butter.
Whip cream is cursed and jelly is awful
yes, satan is hiding in every waffle.
He appears to me as a cinnamon roll
eager to fatten and clog my soul.
So teach me the evils of hollandaise
of ribs and pasta and mayonnaise.
May I have the presence to realize
that evil lurks IN-N-OUT fries.
And crispy fried chicken from the south,
Lord if you love me, shut my mouth